“When do I get to sit down and relax?!”

I had a mini-meltdown today (as VNg helplessly looked on in horror.) I was so overwhelmed by the neverending task list in my head. I’m a bit of a control freak and a bit of a perfectionist. I’m sure that doesn’t help.

Hard to have the blues when you're in Jimmy Choos!

Most people imagine freelancing from home is totally stress-free, indulging in every flight and fancy. It has its charms. I love fewer meetings, less busywork, limited bureaucracy, and an open schedule! It’s great going to the grocery store when it’s less crowded or enjoying a long lunch. I can go to the park and sketch.

But, it’s daunting and overwhelming too. What is the optimal way to structure work and life? Every moment that isn’t 110% productive feels wasted. It’s easy to start comparing yourself to incredible personalities I see on social media. Guilt sets in.

Jimmy Choos bluesSoon, you’re beating yourself up for every missed opportunity painting, posting, writing, cleaning, cooking, planning, printing, exercising, meeting friends, keeping in touch with family, organizing the house, supporting the husband, networking, editing photos, listening to a Ted talk, reading the news, and on and on and on and on.

For me, it’s hard to let go and leave things for later. Even if I force myself to go out and enjoy “X,” I have “Y, Z, A, B, C, and D” hanging over my head. Every now and then, I collapse under the pressure.

Luckily, I have (the amazing) VNg to calm me down and help out. He reminds me to take one thing at a time and that it’s okay if I can’t get to every little thing. I’m doing my best and that’s the best I can expect. (In the meantime, I’ve found, keeping a physical checklist… and buying shoes always helps! 😂)